Just another WordPress siteMy Story is a Garden of Exotic Thoughts
I am the proud grandmother of the most beautiful grandchildren with whom the Lord has blessed my life.
I thank God for giving me a wonderful family. And because of them my life is richer, despite all the obstacles I have encountered along the way. God is good!
“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them…” (Psalms 127:3-5).
Love is capable of quenching the most tense thirst of the desert. Love is like a river that never runs dry. Love makes the baby sleep safe and comfortable. Love produces a vigor that makes the old man feel young and the young man optimistic to overcome all obstacles.
Love says: till later, never farewell. Love does not exterminate a chapter; it puts it on standby. Love never dies, it gets dimmed waiting to be rekindled.
Love never unlinks a chapter, but it continues in the book of tomorrow to be sweetly bounded. Love never stops struggling to germinate, even in the most unbearable soil. Love thrives in the most unimaginable condition.
Love knows no fear. Love remembers no evil. Love gives and gives without expecting anything. Love does not take apart, love always builds. The debris of love turns into hope.
Love created everything. Love is fertile, love multiplies goodness, hope and everything necessary for well-being. Love rules this universe. Love is not a feeling or a decision, love is a Person, His name is Jesus!
The Apostle’s exegesis on 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8, gives light to illuminate our understanding of love:
“Love is patient and kind, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude.
Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered. It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do.
Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil.
Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
Love never fails!” (1Corinthians 13:4-8 CEVDCI)
Love is so mightily strong that nothing can separate us from Love. The most appropriate person to make this statement is the Apostle because he lived it:
“…, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.
For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities nor powers, neither things present nor things to come, neither height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37-39 MEV)
Love is so available to you! If you feel that your soul is dry, there is no vigor, there is no desire for anything. Ask the Lord to come into your heart and give you a fresh life giving love. You will receive His life and joy within you.
As I meditate on the Indescribable Person of Love, His name is the Lord Jesus Christ, my heart is so moved! How I wish that you could feel the same!
May the Lord richly bless you.
This is my Story! What is yours?
This is an excerpt from my Grieving Journal, November 24, 1993
My precious Heavenly Father:
I bless you and thank you so very much for the recovery that you are helping me achieve.
Last night on the news, Fillip was thanking You for Your miracle. I also thanked you because I had prayed for him, but then I realized that his mother has a miracle child, and I don’t. I wept. I did not cry with the excruciating agony I experienced before, but with deep sadness.
Since my husband was at the church construction site, I drove there with a broken heart. And I read chapters 52 and 53 of Isaiah, when I finished reading my face was bathed in tears, not because of Kelbyn, but because of Jesus.
How much I appreciate Jesus and his sacrifice for me. Last night you reminded me of this:
“For these things I suffer, but I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed (deposited) to Him until that Day.” (2 Timothy 1:12 MEV).
I have never been so interested in heaven until I have my deposit there. Oh, I know my valid deposit, my passport is my Jesus, but Kelbyn is what has motivated me the most to be so interested in it.
Since yesterday You’re making me aware that Kelbyn is my miracle child. I saw three policemen beating up two men and the thought struck me that Kelbyn might be one of them. I thought: “Kelbyn is my miracle child because my Father rescued him and no evil can touch him anymore.”
You also made me aware that my painful discontent is not about my son, it is about my relationship with you. I felt abandoned and betrayed because You allowed me to drink the cup of death. I have been so bitter because the image of my family is dead. I don’t miss Kelbyn, it’s the childhood wound in me that drives me to yearn for that family Ethiopia.
I saw myself as a child abandoned by You. That was my agony. Today, after 851 days, I am still not fully recovered, but I am far ahead. Thank you my Heavenly Father.
I wonder what it’s like to be in Paradise! I feel that when I am there I will say: “so much anguish and pain there on earth and now, here in Paradise I am aware of everything here and on earth!”
I think all my grief energy has been so wasted, because there is no reason to mourn for someone who is extremely happy like Kelbyn is! I trust in You, Father. I thank you this Thanksgiving Day! (11/24/1993).
This is my Story! What’s yours?
This is an excerpt from my Grieving Journal, November 24, 1993
This journal was my prayers, my way to cope with my pain for my son’s death.
My precious Heavenly Father:
I bless Your holy name and thank you so very much for the recovery that you are helping me achieve.
Last night on the news, Fillip was thanking You for Your miracle. I also thanked you because I had prayed for him, but then I realized that his mother has a miracle child, and I don’t. I wept. I did not cry with the excruciating agony I experienced before, but with deep sadness.
The afternoon was getting dark and my husband was still at the church construction site. My heart was so broken that I decided to drive to meet him. While driving through the Rolling Hills Baseball League, my soul was pierced into thousands of pieces. And I parked in the church parking lot and read chapters 52 and 53 of Isaiah, when I finished reading my face was bathed in tears, not because of Kelbyn, but because of Jesus.
How much I appreciate Jesus and his sacrifice for me! Last night you reminded me of this verse:
“For these things I suffer, but I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed (deposited) to Him until that Day.” (2 Timothy 1:12 MEV).
I have never been so interested in heaven until I have my deposit there. Oh, I know my valid deposit, my passport is my Jesus, but Kelbyn is what has motivated me the most to be so interested in it.
Since yesterday You’re making me aware that Kelbyn is my miracle child. I saw three policemen beating up two men and the thought struck me that Kelbyn could have been one of them. I realized: “Kelbyn is my miracle child because my Father rescued him and no evil will ever touch him anymore.”
You also made me aware that my painful discontent is not about my son, it is about my relationship with you. I felt abandoned and betrayed because You allowed me to drink the cup of death. I have been so bitter because the image of my family is dead. I don’t miss Kelbyn, it’s the childhood wound in me that drives me to yearn for that family Ethiopia.
I saw myself as a child abandoned by You. That was my agony. Today, after 851 days, I am still not fully recovered, but I am far ahead. Thank you my Heavenly Father.
I wonder what it’s like to be in Paradise! I feel that when I’ll be there I will say: “So much anguish and pain down there on earth and here in Paradise I am aware of everything here and on earth!”
One of the most torturous pains is the unknown, but in Paradise we will know it all:
” What we see now is like a dim images in a mirror; then we shall see face-to-face. What I know now is only partial; then it will be complete–as complete as God’s knowledge of me.” (1 Corinthians 13:12 GNT).
I think all my grief energy has been so wasted, because there is no reason to mourn for someone who is extremely happy like Kelbyn is! I trust in You, Father. I thank you this Thanksgiving Day (11/24/1993), for Your grace that has filled me with strength to continue walking with peace and hope in this process.
This is My Story! What is Yours?
My relationship with my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ grows as I worship Him in the beauty of His holiness. But it doesn’t stop there, because if I draw myself to Him only in beauty, what will happen when life gives ugliness?
Our relationship must move from beauty to delight! When you delight in a person, you want to be connected with him all the time. And so should be our relationship with the Lord.
“Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” (Psalms 37:4 NLT).
This is my Story! What’s yours?
Thought From my Exotic Garden, 10/11/2017
Love is not a metaphysical notion, it does not come from exploring the nature of reality, or the relation between mind and matter, neither substance and attribute, nor fact and value.
Love is the great reality, the desperate need humanity longs for, it’s a transcendental notion. Love comes as a Revealer and Comforter. Sometimes, it is an answer beyond proportional that comes in relationship. And it’s offered as an indweller presence. It’s the Peace that passes all understanding! It’s the Joy that fills all the crevices of the soul! It’s total satisfaction! It’s Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God!
The Lord is the Mediator between Mighty God and humanity. And as He indwells us, we enjoy all His benefits of peace, joy, healing and everything that is derived from Him! My life is a living proof of His peace, joy, health, satisfaction, etc.
“For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right.” (Psalms 84:11).
Right now, you can get all these benefits. Say this prayer believing you’ll receive:
“Father God, I come to you in the name of your Son Jesus, to repent from my sins and to receive your gift of eternal life. I receive Jesus as my Savior to live for Him from now on. Please, write my name in your book and save me. Thank you, Father. Amen.
Now you are a child of God. I’ll be happy to help you to know the Lord better.
This is my email; you’re welcome to contact me. God bless you.
peaceforce@msn.com
This is my Story! What’s yours?
“He has made everything beautiful in its time…”
Ecclesiastes 3:11
Each season has a peculiar beauty and I want to share how I enjoy each one.
My Marriage:
We enjoyed a deep fellowship with God in prayers, Bible reading and partaking Communion, etc. We were intimate friends and love each other’s company. For hours, we could talk about the Bible, as well as any other subjects. We went to the gym and also jogged outside around the lake. He enjoyed my writings and paintings. I joined him in his flying and boating adventures. I enjoyed my marriage season of 41 years.
As a mother:
I enjoyed my children to the last drop too. I was a 100% mother, I participated in all their activities, I provided all the necessary things for my three beloved children. Humanly speaking, I lived for them until they got married. I was and still am delighted to be their mother.
As a daughter:
As a daughter I was blessed with parents who by their example taught me to love God. I learned from their wisdom to be who I am today. Both blessed me with special blessings on their deathbeds. I really enjoyed that sweet season of my life.
Each season with its different hues adds a relaxing shade to my present time. Each one has its high and low moments, but God is always on His throne! He is not surprised when we are assailed with enormous blows, His invisible power controls every movement and strengthens us! The knowledge of His presence keeps me enjoying my present season.
We can enjoy each season of our life because there is enough grace for every trial. 1 Peter 3:10 is a vital resource for enjoyment:
“For, whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech.”
The tongue is a powerful weapon that can give life or death. We must learn to speak life to our circumstances. I have lived all kinds of seasons, extremely painful, happy, good and a new normal season. I’ll share one of each season.
Extremely Painful Season:
The death of a child is the most excruciating pain ever. When my 22-years-old son died, although the anguish was unbearable, God’s grace was sufficient. And He blessed me with a lovely husband and a beautiful congregation that lifted me up in prayers. I don’t think I would ever face any pain greater than that, due to the shocking surprise. You never expect to outlive your child, it’s so incomprehensible that it doesn’t even have a name for it. When a parent dies, the child is orphaned, but when a child dies, how do you call the parents? Just anguish!
Happy Season:
MCCG was a women’s ministry to help women going through midlife crisis. Through that ministry I was able to help many women, national and international. That was a very good and rewarding season. My now married children are a constant source of joy and satisfaction. God changed a sad date for a happy one, my first grandchild was born on the same day and month as the child I have now in heaven. So that date is a celebration, there is no place for sadness. Praise the Lord!
Good Season:
Our church and church school were flourishing, our 40th wedding anniversary was just around the corner. My husband fulfilled his dream of building his own house, financially and emotionally we were ready to reap the fruits of our labor. We could enjoy our empty nest. Seventeen years ago, I was overwhelmed with grief over my son’s death, but now my soul was restored. Everything was fine! However, my lovely husband underwent brain tumor surgery and his character changed. Forty years down the drain that ended in divorce.
A New Normal Season:
The Motto of my life is found in Acts 20:24,
“But none of these things deter me. Nor do I count my life of value to myself, so that I may joyfully finish my course and the ministry which I have received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God”
I have lived my motto for years and my life is full of joy and beauty. I am living a new normal, which I never dreamed of living. But in spite of everything, the richness of Almighty God’s presence has lavished me with incredible blessings. I feel so special under His loving care! His presence is constant in my house and I in my affairs. I have never experienced loneliness. This is the result of knowing God and serving him!
When Jesus Christ is the Lord of your life, the season could be as black as the sea, but your soul will enjoy eternal sunshine! Due to this reality, I have enjoyed every season of my life! And if you invite the Lord Jesus Christ to come to your heart, you will be able to experience this joy!
This is my story! What’s yours?
“But if the Lord creates something new, and the ground opens its mouth and swallows them up with all that belongs to them, and they go down alive into Sheol, then you shall know that these men have despised the Lord.”” Numbers 16:30.
This narrative left me totally dumbfounded, I see a mine to dig knowledge that I don’t even have a way to investigate. I pleaded with the Lord for revelation because no human being can help me in this matter, as I don’t even know what to ask. I felt that the Lord impressed me to go deeper into my own experience to understand my queries.
“Go down alive into Sheol”. Sheol has a very extensive definition, but for reason of space I’ll use this: Sheol is the unseen realm of the dead.
My mind lit up to understand a mystery of dying. Before dying there is a process of special kindness and grace that God pours over the soul of the deceased. However, a person under Divine judgment can lose this process of goodness and grace. This judgment happened to this people in the Book of Numbers chapter 16.
The Mystery of Dying
I share two of my experiences here:
My aunt had an only child, who was disabled. She was overprotective of him and he depended on her 100%. When the hour of her death approached, she parted from him.
My mother had a perfect tooth, and she took pride and her oral hygiene. I took her to the doctor’s office, and he hospitalized her. I was very worried about her toothbrush and very diligently I rushed to the store to buy one. When I showed it to her, I was shocked that she ignored it.
A few days before her death, she detached herself from us and from everything around her. She spent her last days on this planet, but her soul entered a state of pure peace and tranquility.
I saw a process of emotional dissociation. It was like a soul buffer to ease the blow of detachment from this reality to the eternal one. I saw it as a conditioner of the soul, so that it crosses the river peaceful and not terrified.
All transitions cause some kind of apprehension because it introduces to the unknown, and we always struggle to maintain our stability.
I realized God gives us a special kindness at the death bed. He allows a controlled tranquility as a mode of transportation to the departing soul. This is the normality for a soul that has been redeemed by the Lord. Without this special grace of God, even the saved soul will be shocked to depart from its body. This is how the Apostle explains it:
“While we live in these earthly bodies, we groan and sigh, but it’s not that we want to die and get rid of these bodies that clothe us. Rather, we want to put on our new bodies so that these dying bodies will be swallowed up by life.” 2 Corinthians 5:4.
Death was never God’s plan that’s why we hate it. However, we have the comfort of knowing that the transition is sweet for the deceased. We cross the river of death to enter eternal bliss.
What happens when a soul goes to Sheol alive?
Before people go to the next state, the death process must occur, but is it possible to face the next state without the death process? According to Numbers 16:30, yes it can! This is the sad reality for those who die without receiving the gift of eternal life.
Right now you can ask the Lord Jesus Christ to forgive you and to receive you as His child and He gladly will. Death is real and today is your opportunity to chose eternal life or eternal damnation. I chose eternal life, I chose Jesus Christ as my Savior and King!
This is my Story! What is yours?
Lord Jesus, how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You are the only one able to keep me from falling and fill my heart with joy!
“To the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, might and authority, from all ages past, and now, and for ever and ever! Amen.” (Jude 1:25)
Lord, when a spouse dies, the heart of the surviving spouse is broken. The anguish seems to be an unbeatable giant. The whole creation stands still and devastating agony reigns. Nevertheless, all his/her environment is full of compassion. Everyone looks for the opportunity to help in any possible way.
After the grieving process, the surviving spouse is seen as an honorable widow. The community talks about his/her good deeds. They are admired for their sacrificial love and devotion to the deceased.
The single community regards them as trustworthy people because they kept their vow, “Til death do us part.” In this way, death is not that debilitating monster it seemed to be. But through this vast valley of sorrow, a beautiful garden of the most fragrant roses boomed. The name of the garden is character, integrity, fear of the Lord!
A divorced woman is totally the opposite, she loses all her close friends and now she is seen as a rival. A divorced woman is not only disowned by her husband, but for society as well. God hates divorce because it destroys the family, and He says:
“And why isn’t God pleased? It’s because He knows that each of you men as been unfaithful to the wife you married when you were young. You promised that she would be your partner, but now you have broken that promise.” (Malachi 2:14).
God strengthens both the widowed and the divorced. Both has a place in the society, and both can enjoy a full and satisfied life, if that life is governed by the Lordship of Jesus Christ.
This is my Story! What is yours?
This is an entry from my 2016 journal
What does consternation mean?
It is the feelings of anxiety or dismay, typically at something unexpected.
After fulfilling my citizenship privilege to vote, I was overwhelmed by the joy of seeing my garage so neat and clean. Suddenly, I realized that my husband had only lived in this house for five years. Therefore, I have outlived him five years and three months here. And I looked back and see the Lord is amazingly good. “The LORD has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes”. Psalms 118:23.
When the sudden disappearance of my husband and the dissolution of our marriage, I was totally shocked. At the beginning of this odyssey I was sure I knew my Lord and Savior, but after all my prayers, fasts, true faith displaced and lived, I am not quite so sure I do.
He is at the forefront of my storm, He looks strange, I see an aspect of Him that chills my heart to the core and makes my whole spiritual life gasp in horror. I have been on my knees praying and fasting, believing without a doubt that He will rescue my husband. But he set His face like a flint and His steadfast determination terrifies me. I felt my liver spilled, my tear glands went dry. Jesus is no longer my Pal, He is taken up with a point of view unknown to me, and He amazes me. At first my confidence of knowing Him was totally perfect, but now I’m not so sure.
In my crossing through the wilderness I began to understand there is a distance between the Lord and me, I cannot longer be familiar with Him. He is ahead of me and He never turns around; I have no idea where He is going with my daughter, my husband and ministry, therefore, the goal has become strangely far away.
As Jesus was a Man of sorrow, He had to understand every sin and sorrow a man could experience, and that makes Him seem strange. When we see Him in this aspect we don’t know Him, we don’t recognize one feature of His life, and we do not know how to begin to follow Him.
Today, March 15, 2016, I realized more clearly how satisfied and complete my life is. The first five years in this house were with many uncertainties, I was constantly assaulted by instant and shocking surprises from investments, loans and new acquisitions. The garage, like the lawn were a mess, the house and cars in disorder and the constant fear of a new surprise. As per today, my Savior has seen me through all my sorrows and losses, and He turned them into so much blessings!
By His grace I only owe love! I am free to help my children, they all have good vehicles, homes and when emergencies have assaulted them, the Lord has prepared me as His Mark 6:41 to supply. Seven years without my husband and how much abundance and protection the Lord has given me. He has blessed my life, my mind, my body and my finances! I am incredibly grateful!
I have been under this discipline of consternation and I see it fundamental in my life. His grace has equipped me to endure the darkness of dismay in my personal life and the result of it. It is an indescribable joy! This discipline helps me to continue to endure with determined faith until my daughter’s soul’s desire for a child, my husband, and my ministry is over. I trust the Lord Jesus Christ with all my heart, even though I can’t always understand! Thank you Jesus! What a wonderful God we serve!
I got a fresh revelation which is:
Everything in life is an addition. The only reality is the kingdom of God and His justice, so my marriage is just an addition. I have what is real, I have Jesus and His kingdom!
This is my Story! What is yours?