Welcome This is My Story: What is yours?

My eyes closed, and instantly my mind entered—as if in the blink of an eye.

In a split second, I saw an entire scene unfold.

In my mind, I saw a cute little girl with a round face, a dark complexion, and a somewhat chubby build. I thought: “She looks like…”—and, at that very instant, a young woman approached and said: “I was identical to her when I was little.”

The woman resembled Rocheli; however, the name resonating in my mind was Licelot.

Lesson learned:

In the spiritual realm, there is no need for time. In the physical realm, we exhaust ourselves to the point of collapse, and the result is exhaustion. This is the reason why the Lord says:

“Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?”(‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭27‬‬‬).

“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11‬:‭28‬ ‭NLT‬‬). 

I find this truly astonishing, for upon rising, I prayed: “Lord, please take me to Your secret place this morning.” My intention, after breakfast, was to retreat to my room to spend some quiet time with the Lord. However, I remained in the kitchen, cooking and listening to the news. I thought: “I’ve ruined my day.”

What the Holy Spirit showed me is this: those things that keep me awake at night—in the spiritual realm—are resolved in a fraction of a second. Therefore:

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” (‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4‬:‭6‬ )

“And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?” (‭‭Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭30‬ ‭NLT‬‬).

This is my Story! What’s Yours?

Dazzling beauty in my cozy breakfast room, with a cup of hot black tea in my hands, I cannot help but marvel at the dazzling beauty of God’s creation. I am abundantly blessed with my beautiful orchids, as the first rays of the sun peek through the blinds and gently bathe them in light. The morning is young, and the sun is doing what it does best—filling the earth with light and warmth.

In this almost “utopian” atmosphere, my inquisitive mind swiftly transports me thousands of years into the past. I behold Noah emerging from the ark that saved him and his sons. It is a new land; nothing remains the same—everyone else has been submerged beneath the waters forever. 

A father and three sons to repopulate the earth. And I am part of that family, immersed in a tranquil solitude, devoid of other human beings. Yet, I find myself surrounded by beautiful trees and splendid vegetation; and, as if that were not enough, I have been made into a temple where the Spirit of God dwells. 

Noah and his sons repopulated the earth; they had one another. Today, we number in the billions. Now, I enjoy a chosen solitude—just as Noah chose to believe in God before that world had ever even seen a single drop of rain.

I received and joyfully accepted a most peculiar invitation. Its peculiarity lay in the fact that—though on a vastly smaller scale—it bore a resemblance to the construction of the Ark for the purpose of navigating an unknown ocean utterly devoid of water. I have been navigating for eighteen years, and—much like Noah—my sustenance has never failed. 

The Initiator of this journey declared that it would be a long and solitary voyage. The very same God who sustained Noah is the One who sustains me. I am a living proof of Noah’s obedience. The ultimate purpose of my invitation is a revelation.

God gave Noah specific instructions regarding how to build the Ark and what he was to bring inside it, as recounted in Genesis 6:14–22. To me, too, He gave this instruction: “You shall be alone with Me; do not look, do not listen, do not speak.” He then provided me with this sustenance for the journey: Isaiah 41:13, Jeremiah 31:16–17, and Proverbs 7:19–20:

“For I hold you by your right hand— I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.” ‭‭(Isaiah‬ ‭41‬:‭13‬ ‭NLT‬‬).

“But now this is what the Lord says: “Do not weep any longer, for I will reward you,”… There is hope for your future,” says the Lord… (‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭31‬:‭16‬-‭17‬ ‭NLT‬‬)

“for my husband is not home. He’s away on a long trip. He has taken a wallet full of money with him and won’t return until later…”(‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭7‬:‭19‬-‭20‬ ‭NLT‬‬)

I have not yet completed my journey, but I am on the verge. I will leave this part open for the final, victorious chapter.

This is my Story?  What’s Yours? 

La autocompasión es un pozo sin fondo y viscoso. Una vez que caes en él, tiendes a hundirte cada vez más. Es un camino a la depresión, y la oscuridad es profunda. Esta es una instantánea de mi proceso de duelo.

En mi propia experiencia en el abismo, al mirar hacia arriba, pude ver la luz de Su presencia brillando. Ahora entiendo que brillaba sobre mí. Pero desde mi perspectiva distorsionada, vi que no le importaba en absoluto.

El Señor me tendió la mano a través de la ternura de mi exmarido. Y emergí del abismo de la desesperación. El Señor me limpió con ternura, limpiándome del lodo que se me pegaba. El salmista describe mi experiencia con maestría.

“Y me hizo sacar del pozo de la desesperación, del lodo cenagoso; Puso mis pies sobre peña, y enderezó mis pasos. Puso luego en mi boca cántico nuevo, alabanza a nuestro Dios. Verán esto muchos, y temerán, Y confiarán en Jehová.” ‭‭(SALMOS‬ ‭40‬:‭2‬-‭3‬ ).

“¿Por qué te abates, oh alma mía, Y te turbas dentro de mí? Espera en Dios; porque aún he de alabarle, Salvación mía y Dios mío.” ‭‭(SALMOS‬ ‭42‬:‭5‬ ‭).

Porque sé esto:

“Se complace Jehová en los que le temen, Y en los que esperan en su misericordia.”  ‭‭(SALMOS‬ ‭147‬:‭11‬ ).

¡Esta es mi historia! ¿Cuál es la tuya?

Self-pity is a bottomless, viscous pit. Once you fall into it, you tend to sink deeper and deeper. It’s a path to depression, and the darkness is profound. This is a snapshot of my grieving process.

In my own experience in the abyss, as I looked up, I could see the light of His presence shining. I now understand that it was shining on me. But from my distorted perspective, I saw that He didn’t care at all.

The Lord reached out to me through the tenderness of my ex-husband. And I emerged from the abyss of despair. The Lord gently cleansed me, washing me from the mud that clung to me. The psalmist masterfully describes my experience.

“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.” (‭‭Psalms‬ ‭40‬:‭2‬-‭3‬ ‭NIV).‬‬

“Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.” (‭‭Psalms‬ ‭42‬:‭5‬ ‭MEV‬‬).

Because I know this:

“the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.” ‭‭(Psalms‬ ‭147‬:‭11‬ ‭NIV‬‬).

This is my Story!  What’s Yours?

Esto ocurrió el 31 de agosto de 1991, aproximadamente a las 8:30 a.m.

En uno de mis momentos más bajos, tras la muerte de mi primogénito, tuve un encuentro directo con la oscuridad. Hasta ese momento, desconocía su profundidad. En ese instante, experimenté que la oscuridad no era un simple sustantivo abstracto, sino algo concreto.

Estaba de rodillas, apoyada en la cama, hablando con Dios. De repente, mi alma se hundió en un abismo. La oscuridad parecía una plataforma donde mi alma se detenía en estado embrionario. Estaba suspendida en el aire; no caía, como si la oscuridad  misma fuera un suelo. Todo era como una pared completamente negra. Hacía frío. Y no había el más mínimo sentimiento de amor; solo abandono total.

Lo más aterrador e insoportable era la ausencia del amor de Dios. La paredes  de la oscuridad parecían empapadas  del desdén Divino. Su presencia estaba allí, pero en la cima, como un Enemigo. Sobre el abismo, una tapa lo cubría, y por una pequeña grieta se filtraba un rayo de luz diminuto. De alguna manera, yo podía sentir la Augusta y Majestuosa presencia de Dios a través de esa pequeña abertura. Me sentía como un ratón, y un gato solo jugaba conmigo; sin poner fin a mi miseria.

La única forma de describir el infierno es su profundidad, como si fuera del cielo a la tierra. Pero no hay ni un rastro de luz; todo está completamente oscuro. Y estás allí, paralizado, solo, sin nadie más alrededor. No sentí ninguna sensación de caída; estaba prácticamente atrapado allí con una horrible sensación de no pertenecer; completamente solo.

Mi entonces esposo entró en la habitación y exclamó: “¡Honey, hay una Presencia aquí!”. Y con voz entrecortada, gemí: “¿El diablo?”. Corrió a abrazarme y, con el corazón apesadumbrado y profunda compasión, dijo: “¡No, honey, Dios está aquí!”.

La moraleja de esta experiencia: 

Dios me enseñó la diferencia entre cuando Él está contigo y cuando no. Mi dolor, amargo e incomprensible, era pensar que Dios me había abandonado cuando murió mi hijo. ¡Por fin lo entendí! La razón por la que no nunca necesité medicamentos para calmar mi angustia era porque Él estaba conmigo, aunque no podía sentir su presencia. Y esta es también la razón por la que millones de cristianos son capaces de soportar indecibles tormentos por Cristo y no negarlo.

Oh Señor, tú eres mi lámpara. El Señor ilumina mi oscuridad. (2 Samuel 22:29 NTV)

¡Esta es mi historia! ¿Cuál es la tuya?

This happened on August 31, 1991, at approximately 8:30 a.m.

In one of my lowest moments, after the death of my firstborn; I had a direct encounter with darkness. Until that moment, I hadn’t known its depth. In that instant, I experienced that darkness wasn’t a mere abstract noun, but a concrete one.

I was on my knees, leaning on the bed, talking to God. Suddenly, my soul sank into an abyss. The darkness seemed like a platform where my soul remained in its embryonic state. I was suspended in the air; I didn’t fall, as if the darkness itself were a floor. Everything was like a completely black wall. It was cold. And there wasn’t the slightest feeling of love; only total abandonment.

The most terrifying and unbearable thing was the absence of God’s love. The walls of darkness seemed drenched in God’s disdain. His presence was there, but at the very top, like an enemy. Over the abyss, a lid covered it, and through a tiny crack, a hair-thin ray of light filtered in. Somehow, I could feel God’s august and majestic presence through that tiny opening. I felt like a mouse, and a cat was just playing with me;  not ending my misery.

The only way to describe hell is its depth, as if it were from heaven to earth. But there isn’t a single trace of light; everything is completely dark. And you’re there, paralyzed, alone, with no one else around. I didn’t feel any sensation of falling; I was more or less stuck there with a horrible feeling of not belonging; totally alone.

My then-husband walked into the room and exclaimed, “Honey, there’s a Presence here!” And in a defeated voice, I moaned, “The devil?” He ran to hug me and, with a heavy heart and deep compassion, said, “No, honey, God is here!”

The moral of this experience: 

God taught me the difference between when He is with you and when He is not. My pain, bitter and incomprehensible, was thinking that God had abandoned me when my son died. I finally understood! The reason I didn’t need medication to soothe my anguish was because He was with me, even though I couldn’t feel His presence. And this is also the reason why millions of Christians are able to endure unspeakable torment for Christ and not deny Him.

“O Lord, you are my lamp. The Lord lights up my darkness.” ‭‭(2 Samuel‬ ‭22‬:‭29‬ ‭NLT‬‬). 

This is my Story! What’s Yours?

Según Génesis 1:2, la oscuridad cubrió las aguas profundas, por lo que la tierra estaba desordenada y vacía. En realidad, la oscuridad tiene el poder de distorsionar y oscurecer la realidad.

¡Oscuro! ¿Qué es? No soy una autoridad en una definición completa, así que me limitaré an mis humildes observaciones.

La oscuridad es la ausencia de luz; representa lo desconocido y el vacío. La oscuridad puede ser un estado del ser más allá de la percepción consciente, y esa es la principal fuente de miedo.

La oscuridad intenta controlar todos los aspectos de la vida: cuando tiemblas ante la idea de tomar una decisión; cuando te encuentras en un oscuro confinamiento solitario; cuando pierdes tu matrimonio, tus hijos, tu salud, tus propiedades, tus finanzas, etc., sientes terror; la oscuridad te ha envuelto, paralizándote.

¿Cómo superar el miedo a la oscuridad?

Andrew Brunson, pastor estadounidense, estuvo preso en Turquía. Le aterraba la oscuridad. Estaba confinado en una celda pequeña y oscura, con solo una litera. Estaba completamente oscuro. En su angustia, Dios lo fortaleció recordándole lo que dice la Palabra de Dios:

«¿Quién de ustedes teme al Señor? ¿Quién obedece a su siervo? El que anda en tinieblas, sin luz, confíe en el nombre del Señor y apóyese en su Dios» (Isaías 50:10).

Su testimonio es que la Palabra de Dios disipó su miedo. La Palabra de Dios es el arma más poderosa y efectiva que podemos usar contra todos los enemigos. Escribiré sobre cómo la Palabra de Dios es la única medicina que uso en mi vida.

La única manera de superar el miedo a la oscuridad (lo desconocido) es confiar en el Señor.

¡Esta es mi historia! ¿Cuál es la tuya?

According to Genesis 1:2, darkness covered the deep waters, so the earth was formless and empty. In reality, darkness has the power to distort and obscure reality.

Dark! What is it? I’m no authority on a comprehensive definition, so I’ll limit myself to my humble observations.

Darkness is the absence of light; it represents the unknown and the void. Darkness can be a state of being beyond conscious perception, and that is the main source of fear.

Darkness attempts to control every aspect of life: when you tremble at the thought of making a certain decision; when you find yourself in dark solitary confinement; when you lose your marriage, your children, your health, your property, your finance, etc., you are terrified; darkness has enveloped you, paralyzing you.

How to overcome the fear of dark? 

Andrew Brunson, an American pastor, was imprisoned in Turkey. And he was terrified of the dark. He was confined in a small, dark cell, with just a bunk bed, nothing else. It was pitch black. In his distress, God strengthened him by reminding him of what God’s Word says.

“Who among you fears the Lord? Who obeys his servant? Whoever walks in deep darkness, without light, should trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.” ‭‭(Isaiah‬ ‭50‬:‭10‬). 

His  testimony is that the Word of God dispelled his fear. The Word of God is the most powerful  and effective weapon we can use against all enemies. I’ll write about how the Word of God is the only medicine I use in my life.

The only way to overcome the fear of the dark (the unknown), is to rely on the Lord.

This is my Story! What’s Yours?