Category: Spiritual and inspirational

“I will praise you, for You made me with fear and wonder; marvelous are your works, and You know me completely” (Psalm 139:14).

It is so horrible to see the majestic still presence of my Lord in the face of my worst nightmare and not even turn to my help.

Until my debacle in 2008, I was used to the majestic presence of the Lord on the battlefield for me. He used to invite me to follow him and tell me where to go.

During my first 60 years of our fellowship, He had taught me that He will never leave me or forsake me.  And that knowledge was the fabric of my own being. What I did not know was that He also exercises  His Lordship in what is unknown to me.  

I understand how John felt.  He was exiled on a desert island sent there to die for his faith in Jesus Christ.  He was the closest disciple of Jesus.  He now he is old, tortured and alone.  Now he saw an aspect of Jesus unknown to him:

“When I saw him, I fell down at his feet like a dead man. He placed his right hand on me and said, “Don’t be afraid! I am the first and the last.”‭‭(Revelation‬ ‭1:17‬ ‭GNT‬).

The Lord is not delivering him from that exile, but He is telling John that He is ruling over all. The Lord is telling John that He is the Authority, therefore he should not fear Nero, the Emperor.

“I am the living one! I was dead, but now I am alive forever and ever. I have authority over death and the world of the dead.” (Revelations 1:18 GNT),

All John needed was to keep his eyes on Jesus, not on  his current anguish.  The majestic presence of the Lord is all the strength and security we need in times of trouble.

In the 1980s, my Lord introduced me to the book of Colossians as a training course for all  the unknown that was in storage  in my future.  That book took hold of me and transformed me into a weapon of destruction against Satan.  However, in my deep disappointment, this counsel  was hidden from my memory for a good while. 

He is the Authority of the unknown. He rules the invisible and the visible. He has primacy in all things.

“For through him God created everything in heaven and on earth, the seen and the unseen things, including spiritual powers, lords, rulers, and authorities. God created the whole universe through Him and for Him. Christ existed before all things, and in union with Him all things have their proper place.” ( ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭1:16-17‬ ‭GNT‬‬)

The unknown has its proper place in the Lord. In 1991, He invited me to follow Him to the Shame of the Cross and I gladly did. In October 14, 2000, He didn’t invite me, He declared:

“I’ve been looking for a heart that I can trust to instill a revelation and in you, I have found it.” Then He continued, “You will take a long rest, you will be with me. You will not see, you will not hear, you will not talk. But then you will come out with a great revelation”

That same day my husband announced we have not been married for 20 years. Since his brain surgery, his character and personality changed. In his mind we have been divorced for all those years. The day before I was the love of his life, next day he saw me as a dangerous species. No amount of reasoning will convince him that we have been happily married for 40 years and we have a beautiful family.

I have no idea where I am going on this pilgrimage.  On February 15, 2008, I woke up at 3:50 AM, dreaming I was in a big convention and all of the sudden, the whole crowd completely disappeared including my husband. I was left completely alone in the largest tent, I’ve ever seen.  A place I had never been before. 

I entered the world of the unknown with the confidence that the  presence of  my Lord would lead me to a safe harbor. But instead, He was there, but immovable. That is how I found out the majestic of the unknown.

How to reconcile my confidence and shock disappointment? I came to understand His authority over the known and over the unknown.

“but even darkness is not dark for you, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are the same to you.” ( Psalm 139:12 GNT).

Therefore, I am completely at rest, I have no idea how my earthly pilgrimage will end.  My present state is like the baby in the womb;  It is an Edenic state.  I am complete, nothing is needed, nothing is missed. The Lord Jesus has given me life, health and has supplied all my needs according to His riches in glory!

My experience with the unknown is like a tapestry woven from stunning, beautiful cords of love and strength.  My tapestry beautifies my house with blessed assurance! And  I can boldly confess that Jesus is all that matters!

This is my Story! What is Yours? 

Why Can a Woman Love a Child she didn’t Conceive? 

In each  woman there is an  inner mother instinct. Although not biologically,  a child may receive her ravishing love that enables him to grow healthy and joyful.

I was just a teen, when that extravagant love was developed in me. This baby was my neighbor and I poured myself out to him, as liquid love.

Three years later, I was only 17, another baby girl was born in our congregation, and she became my daughter until 3 years later when I got married. I loved those two with the same intensity and passion I love my biological children. 

Why can a woman love  with such passion and intensity a child she didn’t conceived? Because she has God given life nurturing spirit implanted in her soul.

There are so many children starving for love, let us feed them with the abundant milk of love God has placed within us. 

This is my Story!  What’s Yours ?

My story starts with a soul’s conversation with itself in a far away land:

“Things are not going well in my surroundings. I’m in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of my city has been torn down. Its gates have been consumed by fire. I’ve been deprived from all I know and love, I’ve left dry as a desert, I cannot even weep, there is no more tears left in my eyes”.

In this scenario, exiled from all known comfort, in my anguish I found what I wanted to believe it was a sweet refuge, delighting, nurturing companionship! And inadvertently I fell madly in love and into relationship out of marriage, such an unthinkable thing! I ran to the arms of a stranger and away from the God of my fathers. I opened up my heart to him with no reserve. My emotions grew untamed, I could not separate my thoughts from him. He was my constant companion and source of loneliness also!

I know this is dead wrong, but I am also reluctant to give up this love that has become a desperate life giving source because I could see and touch. I’ve given free rein to this searching till I got drunk with this forbidden love. I long even for a small crumb of his attention, but he is cold, he has eyes but he does not see me.

This is the tragic quest of a mere soul that is away from God, searching for the truth.  When your soul is dry, you feel lonely and unfulfilled, you try to fill that void with food, sex, exercise, you become chemicals dependent, etc. You easily fall in the trap of addiction. All those things become idols and you think they are your refuge. You cannot take them away from your mind, you depend on them. But they are cold, they cannot satisfy your longing and cannot fill that void. Only when you open up your heart to the Lord Jesus Christ and you start a relationship with Him, then your whole universe changes!

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
(Matthew 11:28).

This is the answer for all those who are tired, who have tried many things and the emptiness still remains there. Just ask the Lord Jesus to come to your heart and let Him be known to you and He will come.  He loves you!

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