I calmly long to meet a man, one that be sick of love for the Lord, a kind of Bible scholar, filled with the Spirit, in the secular, very intellectual, healthy, with a fit body, he may be 2 years younger or older than me.
The Therapeutic Mystery of Writing!My disjunctive is Reconciled! It is Well!
I eagerly long to meet that man so that he will be my friend. I dont want to waste the precious time God gives us, but I want to harbor, cultivate my time with a man of God with a similar experience to mine. I wish that man can lavish me with Godly friendship. I am not looking for romantic relationship, I’m looking for David-Jonathan kind of friendship. I need that friendship of Proverbs 27:17.
In reality, I think I am looking for that man of God who can be my mentor. I give myself to my biological and spiritual children. I pour my life to the ministry and I’m content and satisfied, however, I am harboring the idea of that friend. But in a introspective look, I’m not so sure I want it. I’m afraid it’s a utopia of something I longed for in my teenage years. I think this is the end of my search. My disjunctive is reconciled! It is well with my soul!
Wow, It’s amazing how writing has such a power that I call, a therapeutic mystery! No wonder the Lord told the prophet to write down the vision.
“…. Write down clearly on tablets what I reveal to you, so that it can be read at a glance.” (Habakkuk 2:2 ).
When you write to God, Psalms 32:8, takes shape and form in your thoughts.
“The Lord says, “I will teach you the way you should go; I will instruct you and advise you.”
(Psalm 32:8 GNT).
Nobody can advise us better than the Lord. When you set your thoughts on writing to the Lord, He will instruct your thinking . Since you have been in His presence, because your mind is in Him as you write, you will be refreshed. The craving you thought you had takes another turn. You realize that was not what you really wanted. Then the real yearning of your heart intensifies and you get that joy that is unspeakable!
Just a little talk with Jesus makes it right, as the song says! And you can discover the therapeutic mystery of writing!
Everyone who is born has the immutable reality that he will pass through the chamber of death. Death is the most hated entity that exists. In my opinion, the reason is because of the cruel interruption to such a perfect triune union. The thought of separation tears the innermost part of a human being. It is the first thing that causes terror to the human soul.
Man is the masterpiece of Almighty God:
And the Lord God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul” (Genesis KJV).
Death separates the perfect triunity of a person, which is made up of immaterial and material parts.
The immaterial parts: The spirit, which is the breath of God in us and our means to communicate with Him.
The soul, which is the seat of our personality. It perceives the psychological realm through our minds, emotions and will.
Material part: The body is the physical structure that allows us to use the five senses (sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch) to relate to the material realm.
Actually, the body houses the immaterial parts of our being and it is wonderful!
“I will praise you, for You made me with fear and wonder; marvelous are Your works, and You know me completely.” (Psalms 139:14 MEV).
Relentless death breaks in and destroys such a wonderful trinity! And that is devastating! So, why death? Because that is the wages of sin. Death was not the original plan, it came as a result of sin. Death means separation from God, the Source of life. Due to sin, humanity became all kinds of evil. So death frees us from those evil minds like Hitler and many as such. Can you imagine Hitler alive forever, what the world would be like ? So, in a way, physical death can be a way to protect humanity.
So clearly it is understood that physical death is not an option. We will all experience physical death, but praise God, not everyone will experience eternal death. The real tragedy is spiritual death, physical death is for a time. But spiritual death is so horrible because you can be dead right now and not know it and in the end it will be eternal damnation. Our soul will never die, it will spend eternity where you choose while you are in this physical body. John 3:16 gives us the way to go to eternal life.
“For God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him may not die but have eternal life.” (John 3:16 GNT).
So physical death is not an option, there is nothing you can do to avoid it. But, eternal life is a choice, you can choose to believe that the Lord Jesus Christ is the Son of God. That He died for your sin and God raised Him from the dead and if you invite Him to come into your heart and be your Savior, you will have eternal life. See John 3:17, isn’t that wonderful?
“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world should be saved through him.” (John 3:17 NET).
What is there in the rain that shakes ineffable memories in my heart? When it gets cloudy, the breeze begins to move, and the rain takes its course, that’s where my chest begins to sigh!
I love sitting in my Victorian chair by the window with my favorite cup of tea. That is where pleasant memories of my childhood, in San Francisco de Macoris, begin to emanate.
It was a Good Friday evening , perhaps in 1956, there was a big meeting at home. Uncles, aunts and cousins gathered at home to celebrate our redemption from sin. On that dark afternoon, everyone enjoyed the warm, friendly and bright house, full of joy and laughter.
Suddenly, in a flurry of laughter and conversation, Mom noticed that the two youngest children were missing. Cautiously, she stepped out onto the front porch. The rain had stopped, the street was flooded with streams of water. In the shock of water, mud, and darkness, she looked down the street and saw what appeared to be two mud-covered balls wrestling in the ditch.
Yes, there they were, 4 years old Elisa and 6 years old William, enjoying the ineffable beauty of running, shouting, giggling under the rain. This is one of the most intrinsic childhood love.
And today after all these years, I am presented with two paths to choose from to walk. The melancholic way, which is sad because most of that crowd, including my parents, are not here in this earthly life.
The second option is the way of Philippians 4:8;
“And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” (Philippians 4:8 NLT).
Here I can renew my mind and what I see , clearly revive my soul. I see that one Good Friday the Lord opened Paradise for us.
“Jesus said to him, “Truly, I tell you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.” (Luke 23:43 MEV).
Why should I be gloomy when I have such incredible promises? My people are enjoying real life in Paradise! And you can reserve your place there. it is very expensive, but it is free for you, because the Son of God paid for it with His life.
You can receive the gift of eternal life right now. Say this:
“Lord, I recognize that I am a sinner and I cannot save myself. Forgive me, I receive Christ as my only Savior. Write my name in the Book of Life. Thanks you Father. Amen!
Congrats! Go to a church, read the Bible and grow in this excited Adventure, called Christianity.
“to declare forth Your lovingkindness in the morning and Your faithfulness in the night,” (Ps.92:2 MEV).
I am embarking on a very difficult journey, in which I am trying to understand the empirical evidence because I have neither theory nor pure logic.
I want to use the metaphor of the contiguity of a nation to try to understand the mystery of the awakening process. I wonder if sleeping and waking are linked by Divine contiguity.
It seems that while my conscious mind sleeps, it is open to a heavenly dimension where there is clear understanding. My question is, how can the clear understanding of my sleeping mind be taken away in a fraction of a second, when my alarm wakes me up?
I exercise my mind, I keep a journal since 1965. My whole life is written, I read the Word of God daily and as part of my daily routine, I do crossword puzzles. All this sharpens my mind, I have no problem remembering.
Dreams have three different sources, God, Satan and our own flesh. And the Sacred Scripture endorses it:
““For God speaks, the first time in one way, the second time in another, though a person does not perceive it. In a dream, a night vision, when deep sleep falls on people as they sleep in their beds.” (Job 33:14-15 NET),
Satan’s dream is what is called terror:
“You shall not be afraid of the terror by night, nor of the arrow that flies by day;” (Ps.91:5,MEV).
I have a clear distinction about dreams. God has spoken to me many times in dreams and they are embodied in my mind. I remember dreams. The first significant one I had, was in 1961 and I have it clear in my mind.
But, my inquiry is the process of awakening from sleep. I imagine there is a fine line between sleeping and waking. The separation is so sudden! It’s like quickly removing the dividing line and the mind collapses into the physical world. Wowed! I just understood something: Will it be that when one dies in Christ the memory that causes pain is totally erased? Not just the memory, but the physical pain one may be experiencing. It’s all gone in a split second! A wonderful world opens up! According to Romans 8:18, my insight is not far from the truth:
“For I consider that our present sufferings cannot even be compared to the glory that will be revealed to us.” (Romans 8:18 NET).
At this time I understand that the Lord is answering my long-awaited query. I have asked him to show me what life is like in heaven. And on Monday 9/12/22, I woke up with that awe of understanding, why not remember what I just saw a second ago before the alarm went off?
The promise that God gives us is that He will make everything new, therefore, we will not remember the heartbreaking earthly moments!
“Do not remember the former things nor consider the things of old. See, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not be aware of it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.” (Isaiah 43:18-19 MEV).
Although I don’t have a vast knowledge of heaven, at least for the time being, I think I understand the mystery of waking up from sleep.
Once again, I reap the fruit of writing. Typing my search, I received the answer of knowing about heaven. God commanded Habakkuk to write the vision. When you write you can receive important insights. The Word of God is true!
““But true wisdom and power are found in God; counsel and understanding are his.” (Job 12:13 NLT).
The sky darkens and large drops begin to fall. I feel compelled to sit in my comfortable Victorian chair and gaze out the window at the harmony of such commotion. The rain soaks the ground, the wind seems to massage the flowers that enjoy that bath from above. The green color of my lawn becomes bright and the brown leaves at the base of the big trees darken. the rain is pouring down and my bushes, although they tremble, do not complain.
And I wonder, why does my lawn and garden receive this sudden interruption in its environment so naturally? will they know something that humans ignore? Could it be that they understand that the discomfort of the wet, the shaking of the wind and the momentary darkness are ingredients for strong growth? As I watch them, I learn to take life’s blows with grace knowing that they will make me stronger. And that in the same way that the rain and the wind are orchestrated by God, so are the trials that come into our lives.
Let us not worry, let us not be afraid, but let us trust in the Lord with all our strength and let us not lean on our own understanding. The rain, the wind and the darkness will soon pass! Calm is just around the corner!
“I will praise you, for You made me with fear and wonder; marvelous are your works, and You know me completely” (Psalm 139:14).
He used to invite me to follow him and tell me where to go, not at this moment!
It is so horrible to see the majestic still presence of my Lord in the face of my worst nightmare and not even turn to my help.
Until my debacle in 2008, I was used to the majestic presence of the Lord on the battlefield for me. He used to invite me to follow him and tell me where to go.
During my first 60 years of our fellowship, He had taught me that He will never leave me or forsake me. And that knowledge was the fabric of my own being. What I did not know was that He also exercises His Lordship in what is unknown to me.
I understand how John felt. He was exiled on a desert island sent there to die for his faith in Jesus Christ. He was the closest disciple of Jesus. He now he is old, tortured and alone. Now he saw an aspect of Jesus unknown to him:
“When I saw him, I fell down at his feet like a dead man. He placed his right hand on me and said, “Don’t be afraid! I am the first and the last.”(Revelation 1:17 GNT).
The Lord is not delivering him from that exile, but He is telling John that He is ruling over all. The Lord is telling John that He is the Authority, therefore he should not fear Nero, the Emperor.
“I am the living one! I was dead, but now I am alive forever and ever. I have authority over death and the world of the dead.” (Revelations 1:18 GNT),
All John needed was to keep his eyes on Jesus, not on his current anguish. The majestic presence of the Lord is all the strength and security we need in times of trouble.
In the 1980s, my Lord introduced me to the book of Colossians as a training course for all the unknown that was in storage in my future. That book took hold of me and transformed me into a weapon of destruction against Satan. However, in my deep disappointment, this counsel was hidden from my memory for a good while.
He is the Authority of the unknown. He rules the invisible and the visible. He has primacy in all things.
“For through him God created everything in heaven and on earth, the seen and the unseen things, including spiritual powers, lords, rulers, and authorities. God created the whole universe through Him and for Him. Christ existed before all things, and in union with Him all things have their proper place.” ( Colossians 1:16-17 GNT)
The unknown has its proper place in the Lord. In 1991, He invited me to follow Him to the Shame of the Cross and I gladly did. In October 14, 2000, He didn’t invite me, He declared:
“I’ve been looking for a heart that I can trust to instill a revelation and in you, I have found it.” Then He continued, “You will take a long rest, you will be with me. You will not see, you will not hear, you will not talk. But then you will come out with a great revelation”
That same day my husband announced we have not been married for 20 years. Since his brain surgery, his character and personality changed. In his mind we have been divorced for all those years. The day before I was the love of his life, next day he saw me as a dangerous species. No amount of reasoning will convince him that we have been happily married for 40 years and we have a beautiful family.
I have no idea where I am going on this pilgrimage. On February 15, 2008, I woke up at 3:50 AM, dreaming I was in a big convention and all of the sudden, the whole crowd completely disappeared including my husband. I was left completely alone in the largest tent, I’ve ever seen. A place I had never been before.
I entered the world of the unknown with the confidence that the presence of my Lord would lead me to a safe harbor. But instead, He was there, but immovable. That is how I found out the majestic of the unknown.
How to reconcile my confidence and shock disappointment? I came to understand His authority over the known and over the unknown.
“but even darkness is not dark for you, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are the same to you.” ( Psalm 139:12 GNT).
This is how I feel, totally protected!
Therefore, I am completely at rest, I have no idea how my earthly pilgrimage will end. My present state is like the baby in the womb; It is an Edenic state. I am complete, nothing is needed, nothing is missed. The Lord Jesus has given me life, health and has supplied all my needs according to His riches in glory!
My experience with the unknown is like a tapestry woven from stunning, beautiful cords of love and strength. My tapestry beautifies my house with blessed assurance! And I can boldly confess that Jesus is all that matters!
In each woman there is an inner mother instinct. Although not biologically, a child may receive her ravishing love that enables him to grow healthy and joyful.
I was just a teen, when that extravagant love was developed in me. This baby was my neighbor and I poured myself out to him, as liquid love.
Three years later, I was only 17, another baby girl was born in our congregation, and she became my daughter until 3 years later when I got married. I loved those two with the same intensity and passion I love my biological children.
Why can a woman love with such passion and intensity a child she didn’t conceived? Because she has God given life nurturing spirit implanted in her soul.
There are so many children starving for love, let us feed them with the abundant milk of love God has placed within us.
This is my Story! What’s Yours ?
I was only thirteen when that extravagant love developed in me!
My story starts with a soul’s conversation with itself in a far away land:
“Things are not going well in my surroundings. I’m in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of my city has been torn down. Its gates have been consumed by fire. I’ve been deprived from all I know and love, I’ve left dry as a desert, I cannot even weep, there is no more tears left in my eyes”.
In this scenario, exiled from all known comfort, in my anguish I found what I wanted to believe it was a sweet refuge, delighting, nurturing companionship! And inadvertently I fell madly in love and into relationship out of marriage, such an unthinkable thing! I ran to the arms of a stranger and away from the God of my fathers. I opened up my heart to him with no reserve. My emotions grew untamed, I could not separate my thoughts from him. He was my constant companion and source of loneliness also!
I know this is dead wrong, but I am also reluctant to give up this love that has become a desperate life giving source because I could see and touch. I’ve given free rein to this searching till I got drunk with this forbidden love. I long even for a small crumb of his attention, but he is cold, he has eyes but he does not see me.
This is the tragic quest of a mere soul that is away from God, searching for the truth. When your soul is dry, you feel lonely and unfulfilled, you try to fill that void with food, sex, exercise, you become chemicals dependent, etc. You easily fall in the trap of addiction. All those things become idols and you think they are your refuge. You cannot take them away from your mind, you depend on them. But they are cold, they cannot satisfy your longing and cannot fill that void. Only when you open up your heart to the Lord Jesus Christ and you start a relationship with Him, then your whole universe changes!
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
(Matthew 11:28).
This is the answer for all those who are tired, who have tried many things and the emptiness still remains there. Just ask the Lord Jesus to come to your heart and let Him be known to you and He will come. He loves you!
