La autocompasión es un pozo sin fondo y viscoso. Una vez que caes en él, tiendes a hundirte cada vez más. Es un camino a la depresión, y la oscuridad es profunda. Esta es una instantánea de mi proceso de duelo.
En mi devastación, confío en Dios.
En mi propia experiencia en el abismo, al mirar hacia arriba, pude ver la luz de Su presencia brillando. Ahora entiendo que brillaba sobre mí. Pero desde mi perspectiva distorsionada, vi que no le importaba en absoluto.
La luz de Su presencia estaba allí
El Señor me tendió la mano a través de la ternura de mi exmarido. Y emergí del abismo de la desesperación. El Señor me limpió con ternura, limpiándome del lodo que se me pegaba. El salmista describe mi experiencia con maestría.
“Y me hizo sacar del pozo de la desesperación, del lodo cenagoso; Puso mis pies sobre peña, y enderezó mis pasos. Puso luego en mi boca cántico nuevo, alabanza a nuestro Dios. Verán esto muchos, y temerán, Y confiarán en Jehová.” (SALMOS 40:2-3 ).
Tu eres mi escudo, Entonces estoy equipada y bien armada para convocar a mi alma:
“¿Por qué te abates, oh alma mía, Y te turbas dentro de mí? Espera en Dios; porque aún he de alabarle, Salvación mía y Dios mío.” (SALMOS 42:5 ).
Porque sé esto:
“Se complace Jehová en los que le temen, Y en los que esperan en su misericordia.” (SALMOS 147:11 ).
Self-pity is a bottomless, viscous pit. Once you fall into it, you tend to sink deeper and deeper. It’s a path to depression, and the darkness is profound. This is a snapshot of my grieving process.
In my devastation, I trust in God!
In my own experience in the abyss, as I looked up, I could see the light of His presence shining. I now understand that it was shining on me. But from my distorted perspective, I saw that He didn’t care at all.
The light of His presence was there.
The Lord reached out to me through the tenderness of my ex-husband. And I emerged from the abyss of despair. The Lord gently cleansed me, washing me from the mud that clung to me. The psalmist masterfully describes my experience.
“He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.” (Psalms 40:2-3 NIV).
You are my shield. Then I am equipped and well armed to summon my soul:
“Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.” (Psalms 42:5 MEV).
Because I know this:
“the Lord delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.” (Psalms 147:11 NIV).
Esto ocurrió el 31 de agosto de 1991, aproximadamente a las 8:30 a.m.
En uno de mis momentos más bajos, tras la muerte de mi primogénito, tuve un encuentro directo con la oscuridad. Hasta ese momento, desconocía su profundidad. En ese instante, experimenté que la oscuridad no era un simple sustantivo abstracto, sino algo concreto.
Estaba de rodillas, apoyada en la cama, hablando con Dios. De repente, mi alma se hundió en un abismo. La oscuridad parecía una plataforma donde mi alma se detenía en estado embrionario. Estaba suspendida en el aire; no caía, como si la oscuridad misma fuera un suelo. Todo era como una pared completamente negra. Hacía frío. Y no había el más mínimo sentimiento de amor; solo abandono total.
Lo más aterrador e insoportable era la ausencia del amor de Dios. La paredes de la oscuridad parecían empapadas del desdén Divino. Su presencia estaba allí, pero en la cima, como un Enemigo. Sobre el abismo, una tapa lo cubría, y por una pequeña grieta se filtraba un rayo de luz diminuto. De alguna manera, yo podía sentir la Augusta y Majestuosa presencia de Dios a través de esa pequeña abertura. Me sentía como un ratón, y un gato solo jugaba conmigo; sin poner fin a mi miseria.
La única forma de describir el infierno es su profundidad, como si fuera del cielo a la tierra. Pero no hay ni un rastro de luz; todo está completamente oscuro. Y estás allí, paralizado, solo, sin nadie más alrededor. No sentí ninguna sensación de caída; estaba prácticamente atrapado allí con una horrible sensación de no pertenecer; completamente solo.
ScreenshotMi primogénitos
Mi entonces esposo entró en la habitación y exclamó: “¡Honey, hay una Presencia aquí!”. Y con voz entrecortada, gemí: “¿El diablo?”. Corrió a abrazarme y, con el corazón apesadumbrado y profunda compasión, dijo: “¡No, honey, Dios está aquí!”.
La moraleja de esta experiencia:
Dios me enseñó la diferencia entre cuando Él está contigo y cuando no. Mi dolor, amargo e incomprensible, era pensar que Dios me había abandonado cuando murió mi hijo. ¡Por fin lo entendí! La razón por la que no nunca necesité medicamentos para calmar mi angustia era porque Él estaba conmigo, aunque no podía sentir su presencia. Y esta es también la razón por la que millones de cristianos son capaces de soportar indecibles tormentos por Cristo y no negarlo.
Oh Señor, tú eres mi lámpara. El Señor ilumina mi oscuridad. (2 Samuel 22:29 NTV)
This happened on August 31, 1991, at approximately 8:30 a.m.
In one of my lowest moments, after the death of my firstborn; I had a direct encounter with darkness. Until that moment, I hadn’t known its depth. In that instant, I experienced that darkness wasn’t a mere abstract noun, but a concrete one.
I was on my knees, leaning on the bed, talking to God. Suddenly, my soul sank into an abyss. The darkness seemed like a platform where my soul remained in its embryonic state. I was suspended in the air; I didn’t fall, as if the darkness itself were a floor. Everything was like a completely black wall. It was cold. And there wasn’t the slightest feeling of love; only total abandonment.
A hair-thin ray of light filtered in.
The most terrifying and unbearable thing was the absence of God’s love. The walls of darkness seemed drenched in God’s disdain. His presence was there, but at the very top, like an enemy. Over the abyss, a lid covered it, and through a tiny crack, a hair-thin ray of light filtered in. Somehow, I could feel God’s august and majestic presence through that tiny opening. I felt like a mouse, and a cat was just playing with me; not ending my misery.
The only way to describe hell is its depth, as if it were from heaven to earth. But there isn’t a single trace of light; everything is completely dark. And you’re there, paralyzed, alone, with no one else around. I didn’t feel any sensation of falling; I was more or less stuck there with a horrible feeling of not belonging; totally alone.
My firstborn
My then-husband walked into the room and exclaimed, “Honey, there’s a Presence here!” And in a defeated voice, I moaned, “The devil?” He ran to hug me and, with a heavy heart and deep compassion, said, “No, honey, God is here!”
The moral of this experience:
God taught me the difference between when He is with you and when He is not. My pain, bitter and incomprehensible, was thinking that God had abandoned me when my son died. I finally understood! The reason I didn’t need medication to soothe my anguish was because He was with me, even though I couldn’t feel His presence. And this is also the reason why millions of Christians are able to endure unspeakable torment for Christ and not deny Him.
“O Lord, you are my lamp. The Lord lights up my darkness.” (2 Samuel 22:29 NLT).
Según Génesis 1:2, la oscuridad cubrió las aguas profundas, por lo que la tierra estaba desordenada y vacía. En realidad, la oscuridad tiene el poder de distorsionar y oscurecer la realidad.
La oscuridad es la ausencia de luz
¡Oscuro! ¿Qué es? No soy una autoridad en una definición completa, así que me limitaré an mis humildes observaciones.
La oscuridad es la ausencia de luz; representa lo desconocido y el vacío. La oscuridad puede ser un estado del ser más allá de la percepción consciente, y esa es la principal fuente de miedo.
¿Qué hacer?
La oscuridad intenta controlar todos los aspectos de la vida: cuando tiemblas ante la idea de tomar una decisión; cuando te encuentras en un oscuro confinamiento solitario; cuando pierdes tu matrimonio, tus hijos, tu salud, tus propiedades, tus finanzas, etc., sientes terror; la oscuridad te ha envuelto, paralizándote.
Es imposible hacerlo por ti mismo.
¿Cómo superar el miedo a la oscuridad?
Andrew Brunson, pastor estadounidense, estuvo preso en Turquía. Le aterraba la oscuridad. Estaba confinado en una celda pequeña y oscura, con solo una litera. Estaba completamente oscuro. En su angustia, Dios lo fortaleció recordándole lo que dice la Palabra de Dios:
«¿Quién de ustedes teme al Señor? ¿Quién obedece a su siervo? El que anda en tinieblas, sin luz, confíe en el nombre del Señor y apóyese en su Dios» (Isaías 50:10).
Su testimonio es que la Palabra de Dios disipó su miedo. La Palabra de Dios es el arma más poderosa y efectiva que podemos usar contra todos los enemigos. Escribiré sobre cómo la Palabra de Dios es la única medicina que uso en mi vida.
Use la efectiva arma de la Palabra de Dios.
La única manera de superar el miedo a la oscuridad (lo desconocido) es confiar en el Señor.
According to Genesis 1:2, darkness covered the deep waters, so the earth was formless and empty. In reality, darkness has the power to distort and obscure reality.
Dark! What is it? I’m no authority on a comprehensive definition, so I’ll limit myself to my humble observations.
Darkness is the absence of light; it represents the unknown and the void. Darkness can be a state of being beyond conscious perception, and that is the main source of fear.
What do I do? I need light!
Darkness attempts to control every aspect of life: when you tremble at the thought of making a certain decision; when you find yourself in dark solitary confinement; when you lose your marriage, your children, your health, your property, your finance, etc., you are terrified; darkness has enveloped you, paralyzing you.
Impossible to do it by yourself
How to overcome the fear of dark?
Andrew Brunson, an American pastor, was imprisoned in Turkey. And he was terrified of the dark. He was confined in a small, dark cell, with just a bunk bed, nothing else. It was pitch black. In his distress, God strengthened him by reminding him of what God’s Word says.
“Who among you fears the Lord? Who obeys his servant? Whoever walks in deep darkness, without light, should trust in the name of the Lord and rely on his God.” (Isaiah 50:10).
His testimony is that the Word of God dispelled his fear. The Word of God is the most powerful and effective weapon we can use against all enemies. I’ll write about how the Word of God is the only medicine I use in my life.
Use the effective weapon of the Word o God!
The only way to overcome the fear of the dark (the unknown), is to rely on the Lord.
On my sister’s birthday, I have to mention our mother. A young woman of only 22 years old, she had a difficult pregnancy in an era when technology wasn’t as widespread as it is today. She was hospitalized for three months before giving birth. And on June 7, 1945, her twin daughters, Mercedes and Rosalía, were born. Our mother is in heaven, and from here I wish her a happy birthday.
My mom and me in DR
Both girls honor their grandmothers’ names. Rosita returned to her heavenly Father at 3 months old, leaving Mercedes alone.
The little girl suffered the impact of separation from her sister. Losing a sibling is an unspeakable pain, but losing a twin, I think, is worse. And just one year and 8 months later, God gave her a little sister with whom she would be inseparable.
She is leaving to Paraguay
My relationship with my sister is intimate and personal. We act as confidants, sharing secrets and personal experiences that others don’t know about.
We went to boarding school, and there we were known as “finger and nail” because we were inseparable. We never fought or disrespected each other.
In her house after the morning prayer
Our childhood was beautiful; she always loved the Lord, and that’s why some hated her. I loved the Lord with all my heart, but I wanted to please everyone, and that’s why I was loved. She was kind by nature; she was my teacher and instilled in me a love of books.
After Sunday service
Our adolescence was filled with Bible studies, prayer, fasting, and fellowship with the young people from the churches. We also attended regular vigils. And what about those youthful pranks? They happened right through us, without us even knowing!
Celebrating my gorgeous 78 years 🤪
She was the maximum to me, as she sang, recited, preached, and, to the height of my admiration, she was baptized in the Holy Spirit one Sunday after the service. It was a glorious thing!
Big sis preaching
By 1976, I needed to start a women’s service, and my position was always zero to full power. And neither Mom nor Mercedes were here. So, I called her and asked what to do. She gave me Philippians 4:8 for the group to memorize, along with some instructions.
In our favorite place, ODP
When she came to visit us from New York, I felt like the prophet Elijah was coming to my house, and I would prepare her room that way. When she came to live in Orlando, she was a strong arm for me. She worked diligently in the ministries, seeking souls, discipling, cleaning the church, and driving the church bus.
I was born to replace her twin
On Sundays, everyone went home after the service, yet she with her children continued taking people home. She worked in all the ODP ministries.
Hasta la vista 😍🥰
Since then, the Lord has led her to almost the entire world with grace and favor to spread the good news.
Big sis with me
I thank God for my sister’s life, that we may continue in this sacred bond of sisterhood until death do us part. I feel a profound joy that my tribute is in life, not in death.
