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This is my prayer when I found myself at difficult crossroads of making a decision

My Gracious Father;

How long I long to run and snuggle into Your bosoms and fall asleep for an eternity! I desperately long for your presence, to feel your fragrance, to hear your heartbeat, to bathe in that liquid love of Yours that strengthens my love so that it is unalterable.

Abba, the inside of me that always feels spacious like the firmament, now it feels like a ripe, shriveled,  fruit whose skin is all wrinkled.
The often noticeable resistance of my inner being seems to be losing elasticity. I have been stretched to my limits and my stamina is slipping away. In this incomprehensible moment, I need to feel the rush of Your love that revives everything withered inside me. I command all the trillions of cells within me to magnify Your name and exalt Your wisdom!

I don’t know what the future holds for me, but my absolute delight and perfect pleasure are to love You with an unalterable love. I am weak, I am worn out, I am feeble, I don’t know how to get in or out and I’ve been thrown into a project that’s bigger than me.

Please, Father, guide my steps. You know how troubled I am; please put my tears in Your bottle. I know You’re on my side. In You, I trust! I won’t be afraid. I’ll give You my offering of thanksgiving, because You have rescued me from death and kept me from defeat. So I’ll walk in Your presence with those who love you with an unalterable love.

This is my Story! What’s Yours?

This is how my gratitude is seen in heaven!

“Don’t stare at me because I am dark the sun has darkened my skin. My brothers were angry with me; they forced me to care for their vineyards, so I couldn’t care for myself–my own vineyard” (Songs 1:6 NLT).

I lost the presence of my Love because they forced me to take care of someone else’s vineyard and neglect our sweet quiet time. His presence disappeared from my garden, leaving a feeling of death in my soul. And so, I began my search, until I found the one my soul loves.

My Soul is Thirsty for you. The rivers do not contain enough water to quench my desperate thirst. The trillions of cells within me scream in agony for you. where have you gone, You, the One my soul can’t live without? Without You everything is insipid, even the salt loses its flavor. (groaning).

The clamor of all my cells is to worship you with all my might. Please, Spirit of the Living God, Wonderful Counselor, tell my Beloved that I am lovesick. Please, tell the only love of my soul that my unrequited search is unbearable for me. Where does He rest His sheep during the midday heat?

I desperate need to find my Love, my Life, the Lifter of my head, because He is my shelter from the wind and a refuge from the storm. He is like streams of water in my desert. He is the shadow of a great rock in my parched land. Renew my parched soul with the streams of your presence, please.

“O maidens of Jerusalem, I command you – If you find my beloved, what will you tell him? Tell him that I am lovesick!” (Song of Solomon 5:8 NET),

I started my search with a sense of emptiness in my soul, desperate to feel the heartbeat of my Lord. And just by pronouncing some of His attributes, it turned into worship that opened the heaven and His sweet presence flooded me. And seeing myself as His beloved sheep, my agonizing search took another turn: peace in my valley!

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for allowing me the joy of feeling your presence. You never left, but for a time you hid the joy of your presence, which is my total delight.

This is my Story! What’s Yours?

Thank You Lord!

From my Ecclesiastes 3:11 Journal

Thanks, as seen in heaven!

The first thought and word that comes out of me when I wake up each day is: “Thank you Lord for this day.”

On the first day of 2021, when I woke up and sat on the edge of my bed to get up, I asked myself: 

“Will God receive my thanks? What effect could this have on God Almighty? Or is it just a cliché of mine?”

I find myself so bereft of the right word to express the vision the Lord gave me.  He showed me what “Thank God” looks like in heaven.  “Thank God”, is not a mere noun.  It is a living agent that flows and delights the city of God.  And quiet my spirit, casting out fear and strengthening me with joy.

As I begin to thank God, my world may be dark bronze, as the picture shows and I may be walking in a valley of the shadow of death. But, by giving thanks to God my world is changing in flashes of glory!

“There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy dwelling place of the Most High.”  (Psalms‬ ‭46:4‬ ‭MEV‬‬).

The vision given to me was like a display of animated, lively, grandiose, jazzy light that pours out of diamonds.  Each time “Thank You Lord” reaches heaven, those amazing flashes of light radiate different heavenly colors unknown on earth!

So, every time I say, “Thank you Lord,” I get a glimpse of that agent of joy flashing dazzling colors before the throne of God! Failure to recognize the Creator God, darkens your mind and you become foolish and empty. 

“Because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him or give thanks to Him as God, but became futile in their imaginations, and their foolish hearts were darkened.”

Every morning and during the day, I am so conscious of this brief, but profound revelation!  And know this the will of God. 

‭‭(Romans‬ ‭1:21‬ ‭MEV‬‬).

“In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (1Thessalonians 5:8).

This is My Story? What is Yours? 

WONDERFULLY COMPLEX

From my Garden of Exotic Thoughts

Excerpt from my Ecclesiastes 3:11 Journal; Nov. 13, 2017

The result of missing a loved one is a lingering emptiness in the soul. It feels like an abyss unable to reconcile. It is not a weakness, it is that we were created with that necessary emptiness in the soul that only one Person can fill, His name is Jesus. All kinds of human relationships are wonderful, but only Jesus can fill that lingering void.

God created us to live in community, not alone. He made us emotional beings and placed within us glands that produce chemicals, hormones, and neurotransmitters in our central nervous system to produce the natural drugs of happiness.

Psalm 139 states we were fearfully and wonderfully made, we can produce dopamine, serotonin , endorphins and oxytocin all these neurotransmitters are happiness producers !

All these natural substances allow our relationships to be more pleasant. And let us fully enjoy them on a soul level. Because God thought of everything good for us! God is very good!

“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God! They cannot be numbered!” (Psalms 139:14, 17).

This is my Story! What’s Your?

Critical readers notice what others miss.  Then how much more so when the Spirit of God dwells in said person. My dad had such an intimate relationship with the Lord that he spoke alone out loud, to my understanding it was a soliloquy.  Later, as I grew up, I understood that my dad felt the presence of the Lord so real  with him and it was normal to respond to God and start a conversation.  Those were the home morning events of my childhood.

My parents never gave me a formal spiritual education of words and rules.  They instilled in me a deep love for God and His Word.  Their passion for Jesus captured my heart at a very tender age.  Listening to them and seeing their dedication to the Lord, was the lasting education I received from them. I constantly heard my dad blessing us every morning  with this:

“Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth.”  (John‬ ‭17:17‬ ‭MEV‬‬).

This is my Story! What’s Yours?

This is an insert from my Prayer Garden Journal,

October 4, 2017, @ 7:48 A. M

I was facing a bigger challenge than me.

And I had this thought that was a balm to my soul.

 I pray that it may bless you.

Everything that goes to heaven stays there forever. I believe that prayers are like a diamond, each request is a cut of the diamond that is the factor that fuels its brilliance. The time we stand there in agony sometimes, other times struggling not to doubt, but to believe. That time is the fire cutting the diamond.

And our tears are the words, meditation and fellowship. I see them as reflective prisms that reflect light to our spirit. And together with the incense of our fellowship, the entire prism of the diamond manifests itself in multiple flashes of dazzling colors. The spark sometimes manifests in peace of mind, healing, tranquility, well-being, etc.

Often we enter in the garden of prayers not to gaze the beauty of our Bridegroom, but we throw ourselves to the Rock of our salvation. Sometimes we search for a photo in our cell phone to show it to a friend, we are so anxious to find it that we pass by and miss it. When we come anxiously to His throne, He has His arms outstretched toward us, but  anxiety causes us to lose sight of Him.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done.” (Philippians 4:6)

If we quiet our inner man, we’ll be able to see Him clear. This is what I call a cutoff moment. All cuts hurt, but it is necessary. It’s an emotional discipline that when learned is very much useful for our prayer time. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m on my way to learning it.

Israel were struggling with snake and they anxiously prayed for the snake to be removed. They were not removed, Numbers 21:9 was the answer.

“So, Moses made a snake out of bronze and attached it to a pole. Then anyone who was bitten by a snake could look at the bronze snake and be healed!”

 Just one look at the snake on the pole was all they needed. However, not everybody looked at. They were desperate to get rid of the snakes and if they didn’t use the life resource, they would die.

What are you struggling with today? Just call upon the name of Jesus, He is so willing to help you.

When we come to pray the cross is the pole to focus on,  seeing Jesus Who is God’s wealth to supply all we need. The cross is not a tree, it is the sacrifice, His death on the cross to save us and provide all our needs. It is the glimpse of His suffering that empowers us to receive His name where we can ask for anything and we receive it.

Let us lighten our load of worries and rest in His faithfulness. He will never let us down. I testify that this is true because I have lived it all my life. Your prayers are in the throne of God forever!

When you pray, you can have certainty … come boldly to the throne of God.

“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” (Hebrews 4:16 NLT).

This is my Story! What’s yours?

On April 11, 2017, at 5:35 AM, I heard this very clearly in my spirit: “Abel’s Garden“. I immediately understood that my Heavenly Father wanted me to investigate this topic. And this is what I learned.

Abel was the first human being that pleased God and his offering was the first that God received with pleasure.   God used to come down to fellowship with man in the garden, but after sin there was a barrier, and a mediator was necessary. 

The first mediator God Himself used to cover man’s shame was the skin of an innocent animal. Its blood was shed not to save, but to forgive. 

The garden was closed, the tree of life was hidden, and Adam was forbidden to enter. The new way to enter the presence of God was through the blood of the sacrifice, God is not coming down anymore. The sacrificial blood ascended like a sweet aroma before God, and He received it.

“Then they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the tress of the garden.”(Genesis 3:8 MEV).

No more cool of the day fellowship, now blood is a painful reminder of sin that separates  man from God. I see, now on this falling way, God used to come down to correct, no longer to fellowship like before.

Both Cain and Abel wanted to have fellowship with God, but Cain’s heart was not right, and God did not accept his offering. Cain was self-centered, envious, and jealous. He harbored hatred and revenge in his heart towards Abel. That was the first religious envy. Abel’s devotion to God cost him his life, making him the first martyr

Garden represents the presence of God with all His blessings. A garden is surrounded by water to produce beautiful, healthy fruit. 

Abel’s Garden is the presence of God in his own life.

It is an environment where God is pleased and enjoys the sacrifice of praise that is offered to Him.

It is a covered place, protected from danger, many living streams of water flow freely in and around and bear more than enough fruit to sustain. And His presence provides for all our needs according to His riches in his glory.

God sees us as His private garden:

“You are my private garden, y treasure, my bride, a secluded spring, a hidden fountain”.

(Song of Songs 4:12 NLT).

God sees us as a “fountain sealed” no contamination can get near us. The Lord says about us in John 10:28,

“I give them eternal life, and they shall never die. No one can snatch them away from me.” This is the meaning of a “fountain sealed”. We have eternal life, and that life is hidden in Jesus Christ!

As garden of God, Psalm 16:11 flows freely in and through us,

“You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; at Your right hand there are pleasures for evermore”.

Abel means breath, man’s life is like a vapor in the morning, when the sun comes it disappears.  This means that life is fragile, life is short, and death is as certain as the air we breathe.  James 4:14 says:

“How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow?  Your life is like the morning fog–it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.”

But when we are God’s garden will live forever with Him.  The only way to be His garden is asking the Lord Jesus Christ to come to live inside of you. Receive His sacrifice on the Cross of Calvary, as the full payment for your sins.  This is called the new birth.

 Abel, the one that pleases God:

            First, Able pleasing God appeared at his birth. 

            Second,  pleasing God with his offering 

            Third,  being martyr for God’s love. 

Abel was not famous, but God himself was the Defender of his blood. We may not be rich and famous here, but the Righteous Judge of all the earth is our Defender. If you have been the victim of an injustice, God wants to be your Defender. Invoke His name, just tell Him your needs and ask Him to come live inside you. He will and you will see Him defending you as He defended Abel. This is my testimony.

This is my Story! What’s yours?

This is an excerpt from the Journal of my Struggles.

This is my prayer to God to lead me to make a right business decision. August 25, 2018.

Precious Lord, I bless Your holy name! Thank You for Your Spirit that leads me to all truth!

Job felt so lost, and this burst out from his soul:

“If only there were a mediator between us, someone who could bring us together. The mediator could make God stop beating me, and I would no longer live in terror of his punishment. Then I could speak to him without fear, but I cannot do that in my own strength.”

(Job 9:33-35 NLT).

He desperately needed the freedom I have today, to boldly come to the throne of mercy!

He had no access to the Father. But I am so thankful for Your death on the Cross paving the way for me now!

Thank You , Awesome God, Everlasting Father! Please, help me not to waste my sorrows. I understand that everything that happens to me is You equipping me for Your purpose for my life.

I know you’re holding my wrist, letting my fingers move freely. But, You are the one who guides my course!

I am not in the position of Job; however, I am in the position of Proverbs 25:2:

“It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, and it is the glory of a king to search out a matter.”

(Proverbs 25:2 NET).

I seek Your will in this business decision that I must make. Please illuminate my darkness because You are my lamp:

“For You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord illuminates my darkness.”

(2 Samuel 22:29 MEV).

I’ll go to bed trusting in Your mercy and compassion to tell me about Your will in this case. Amen. Thank Lord.

Before I went to bed, I heard that small still voice in my intuition saying, “No”.

Hallelujah! I do nothing until my Lord and Savior guides me.

Later I saw that it was not a business, but a scam. Job did not have a Mediator who would allow him to speak with God, but by the blood of Jesus we have free access to the throne of mercy!

You too, beloved reader, can have that wonderful access to the throne of mercy. You just have to ask the Lord Jesus Christ to come and live within you and you will enjoy the peace that passes all understanding. May the Lord bless you.

This is my Story! What is yours?

I am the proud grandmother of the most beautiful grandchildren with whom the Lord has blessed my life.

I thank God for giving me a wonderful family. And because of them my life is richer, despite all the obstacles I have encountered along the way. God is good!

“Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them…” (Psalms 127:3-5).