The sky darkens and large drops begin to fall. I feel compelled to sit in my comfortable Victorian chair and gaze out the window at the harmony of such commotion. The rain soaks the ground, the wind seems to massage the flowers that enjoy that bath from above. The green color of my lawn becomes bright and the brown leaves at the base of the big trees darken. the rain is pouring down and my bushes, although they tremble, do not complain.
And I wonder, why does my lawn and garden receive this sudden interruption in its environment so naturally? will they know something that humans ignore? Could it be that they understand that the discomfort of the wet, the shaking of the wind and the momentary darkness are ingredients for strong growth? As I watch them, I learn to take life’s blows with grace knowing that they will make me stronger. And that in the same way that the rain and the wind are orchestrated by God, so are the trials that come into our lives.
Let us not worry, let us not be afraid, but let us trust in the Lord with all our strength and let us not lean on our own understanding. The rain, the wind and the darkness will soon pass! Calm is just around the corner!
“I will praise you, for You made me with fear and wonder; marvelous are your works, and You know me completely” (Psalm 139:14).
He used to invite me to follow him and tell me where to go, not at this moment!
It is so horrible to see the majestic still presence of my Lord in the face of my worst nightmare and not even turn to my help.
Until my debacle in 2008, I was used to the majestic presence of the Lord on the battlefield for me. He used to invite me to follow him and tell me where to go.
During my first 60 years of our fellowship, He had taught me that He will never leave me or forsake me. And that knowledge was the fabric of my own being. What I did not know was that He also exercises His Lordship in what is unknown to me.
I understand how John felt. He was exiled on a desert island sent there to die for his faith in Jesus Christ. He was the closest disciple of Jesus. He now he is old, tortured and alone. Now he saw an aspect of Jesus unknown to him:
“When I saw him, I fell down at his feet like a dead man. He placed his right hand on me and said, “Don’t be afraid! I am the first and the last.”(Revelation 1:17 GNT).
The Lord is not delivering him from that exile, but He is telling John that He is ruling over all. The Lord is telling John that He is the Authority, therefore he should not fear Nero, the Emperor.
“I am the living one! I was dead, but now I am alive forever and ever. I have authority over death and the world of the dead.” (Revelations 1:18 GNT),
All John needed was to keep his eyes on Jesus, not on his current anguish. The majestic presence of the Lord is all the strength and security we need in times of trouble.
In the 1980s, my Lord introduced me to the book of Colossians as a training course for all the unknown that was in storage in my future. That book took hold of me and transformed me into a weapon of destruction against Satan. However, in my deep disappointment, this counsel was hidden from my memory for a good while.
He is the Authority of the unknown. He rules the invisible and the visible. He has primacy in all things.
“For through him God created everything in heaven and on earth, the seen and the unseen things, including spiritual powers, lords, rulers, and authorities. God created the whole universe through Him and for Him. Christ existed before all things, and in union with Him all things have their proper place.” ( Colossians 1:16-17 GNT)
The unknown has its proper place in the Lord. In 1991, He invited me to follow Him to the Shame of the Cross and I gladly did. In October 14, 2000, He didn’t invite me, He declared:
“I’ve been looking for a heart that I can trust to instill a revelation and in you, I have found it.” Then He continued, “You will take a long rest, you will be with me. You will not see, you will not hear, you will not talk. But then you will come out with a great revelation”
That same day my husband announced we have not been married for 20 years. Since his brain surgery, his character and personality changed. In his mind we have been divorced for all those years. The day before I was the love of his life, next day he saw me as a dangerous species. No amount of reasoning will convince him that we have been happily married for 40 years and we have a beautiful family.
I have no idea where I am going on this pilgrimage. On February 15, 2008, I woke up at 3:50 AM, dreaming I was in a big convention and all of the sudden, the whole crowd completely disappeared including my husband. I was left completely alone in the largest tent, I’ve ever seen. A place I had never been before.
I entered the world of the unknown with the confidence that the presence of my Lord would lead me to a safe harbor. But instead, He was there, but immovable. That is how I found out the majestic of the unknown.
How to reconcile my confidence and shock disappointment? I came to understand His authority over the known and over the unknown.
“but even darkness is not dark for you, and the night is as bright as the day. Darkness and light are the same to you.” ( Psalm 139:12 GNT).
This is how I feel, totally protected!
Therefore, I am completely at rest, I have no idea how my earthly pilgrimage will end. My present state is like the baby in the womb; It is an Edenic state. I am complete, nothing is needed, nothing is missed. The Lord Jesus has given me life, health and has supplied all my needs according to His riches in glory!
My experience with the unknown is like a tapestry woven from stunning, beautiful cords of love and strength. My tapestry beautifies my house with blessed assurance! And I can boldly confess that Jesus is all that matters!
In each woman there is an inner mother instinct. Although not biologically, a child may receive her ravishing love that enables him to grow healthy and joyful.
I was just a teen, when that extravagant love was developed in me. This baby was my neighbor and I poured myself out to him, as liquid love.
Three years later, I was only 17, another baby girl was born in our congregation, and she became my daughter until 3 years later when I got married. I loved those two with the same intensity and passion I love my biological children.
Why can a woman love with such passion and intensity a child she didn’t conceived? Because she has God given life nurturing spirit implanted in her soul.
There are so many children starving for love, let us feed them with the abundant milk of love God has placed within us.
This is my Story! What’s Yours ?
I was only thirteen when that extravagant love developed in me!
I will walk in your presence with an unalterable love!
This is my prayer when I found myself at difficult crossroads of making a decision
My Gracious Father;
How long I long to run and snuggle into Your bosoms and fall asleep for an eternity! I desperately long for your presence, to feel your fragrance, to hear your heartbeat, to bathe in that liquid love of Yours that strengthens my love so that it is unalterable.
Abba, the inside of me that always feels spacious like the firmament, now it feels like a ripe, shriveled, fruit whose skin is all wrinkled. The often noticeable resistance of my inner being seems to be losing elasticity. I have been stretched to my limits and my stamina is slipping away. In this incomprehensible moment, I need to feel the rush of Your love that revives everything withered inside me. I command all the trillions of cells within me to magnify Your name and exalt Your wisdom!
I don’t know what the future holds for me, but my absolute delight and perfect pleasure are to love You with an unalterable love. I am weak, I am worn out, I am feeble, I don’t know how to get in or out and I’ve been thrown into a project that’s bigger than me.
Please, Father, guide my steps. You know how troubled I am; please put my tears in Your bottle. I know You’re on my side. In You, I trust! I won’t be afraid. I’ll give You my offering of thanksgiving, because You have rescued me from death and kept me from defeat. So I’ll walk in Your presence with those who love you with an unalterable love.
“Don’t stare at me because I am dark the sun has darkened my skin. My brothers were angry with me; they forced me to care for their vineyards, so I couldn’t care for myself–my own vineyard” (Songs 1:6 NLT).
I lost the presence of my Love because they forced me to take care of someone else’s vineyard and neglect our sweet quiet time. His presence disappeared from my garden, leaving a feeling of death in my soul. And so, I began my search, until I found the one my soul loves.
My Soul is Thirsty for you. The rivers do not contain enough water to quench my desperate thirst. The trillions of cells within me scream in agony for you. where have you gone, You, the One my soul can’t live without? Without You everything is insipid, even the salt loses its flavor. (groaning).
The clamor of all my cells is to worship you with all my might. Please, Spirit of the Living God, Wonderful Counselor, tell my Beloved that I am lovesick. Please, tell the only love of my soul that my unrequited search is unbearable for me. Where does He rest His sheep during the midday heat?
I desperate need to find my Love, my Life, the Lifter of my head, because He is my shelter from the wind and a refuge from the storm. He is like streams of water in my desert. He is the shadow of a great rock in my parched land. Renew my parched soul with the streams of your presence, please.
“O maidens of Jerusalem, I command you – If you find my beloved, what will you tell him? Tell him that I am lovesick!” (Song of Solomon 5:8 NET),
I started my search with a sense of emptiness in my soul, desperate to feel the heartbeat of my Lord. And just by pronouncing some of His attributes, it turned into worship that opened the heaven and His sweet presence flooded me. And seeing myself as His beloved sheep, my agonizing search took another turn: peace in my valley!
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for allowing me the joy of feeling your presence. You never left, but for a time you hid the joy of your presence, which is my total delight.
Thank the Lord, takes you from darkness to light !
Thanks, as seen in heaven!
The first thought and word that comes out of me when I wake up each day is: “Thank you Lord for this day.”
On the first day of 2021, when I woke up and sat on the edge of my bed to get up, I asked myself:
“Will God receive my thanks? What effect could this have on God Almighty? Or is it just a cliché of mine?”
I find myself so bereft of the right word to express the vision the Lord gave me. He showed me what “Thank God” looks like in heaven. “Thank God”, is not a mere noun. It is a living agent that flows and delights the city of God. And quiet my spirit, casting out fear and strengthening me with joy.
As I begin to thank God, my world may be dark bronze, as the picture shows and I may be walking in a valley of the shadow of death. But, by giving thanks to God my world is changing in flashes of glory!
“There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy dwelling place of the Most High.” (Psalms 46:4 MEV).
The vision given to me was like a display of animated, lively, grandiose, jazzy light that pours out of diamonds. Each time “Thank You Lord” reaches heaven, those amazing flashes of light radiate different heavenly colors unknown on earth!
So, every time I say, “Thank you Lord,” I get a glimpse of that agent of joy flashing dazzling colors before the throne of God! Failure to recognize the Creator God, darkens your mind and you become foolish and empty.
“Because, although they knew God, they did not glorify Him or give thanks to Him as God, but became futile in their imaginations, and their foolish hearts were darkened.”
Every morning and during the day, I am so conscious of this brief, but profound revelation! And know this the will of God.
(Romans 1:21 MEV).
“In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” (1Thessalonians 5:8).
Excerpt from my Ecclesiastes 3:11 Journal; Nov. 13, 2017
The result of missing a loved one is a lingering emptiness in the soul. It feels like an abyss unable to reconcile. It is not a weakness, it is that we were created with that necessary emptiness in the soul that only one Person can fill, His name is Jesus. All kinds of human relationships are wonderful, but only Jesus can fill that lingering void.
God created us to live in community, not alone. He made us emotional beings and placed within us glands that produce chemicals, hormones, and neurotransmitters in our central nervous system to produce the natural drugs of happiness.
Psalm 139 states we were fearfully and wonderfully made, we can produce dopamine, serotonin , endorphins and oxytocin all these neurotransmitters are happiness producers !
All these natural substances allow our relationships to be more pleasant. And let us fully enjoy them on a soul level. Because God thought of everything good for us! God is very good!
“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God! They cannot be numbered!” (Psalms 139:14, 17).
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last: but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.” (Proverbs 31:30 NLT).
Although, 12 years after her departure, that woman continues repairing the deepest cracks in my soul with her wisdom.
She was no more than five feet tall, but her heart was beyond measure. She planted 28 churches in different states and in the Dominican Republic. She founded a foundation to help the injured to provide them with wheelchairs and everything necessary to be able to rehabilitate themselves.
She also founded several medical centers for the poor and homeless.
“Reward her for all she has done. let her deeds publicly declare her praise.” ( Proverbs 31:31)
She became so violent when her first grandchild died that she sued to snatch ten thousand souls out of darkness and bring them into the Light.
She also built different kinds of schools, from literacy, languages, home economics, agriculture and her masterpiece was the Kelbyn school in Santo Domingo.
Space and time do not allow me to say everything that little woman did in her shorts, but very well used 86 years on this earth. And she won her claim for ten thousand souls, exponentially.
She told my son, “Everybody is selling something”. He asked. “What do you mean?” She explained, “people want you to believe their opinions or their excuses. That’s doesn’t mean that you have to buy what they’re offering.”
That brief, but profound lesson left me dumbfounded. I miss her wisdom so much, I never got to fully know the depth of her wisdom. She was my pastor, my mentor, my friend and my mother. And as I am her daughter, surely this statement will be part of my patrimony. A little morsel of wisdom for my garden of exotic thoughts.
“When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.” (Proverbs 31:26 NLT).
This is my Story! What’s Yours?
From, My Garden of Exotic Thoughts
Pastor María Arias, 1923-2010
1997 My Mom and me.
A little morsel of wisdom for my garden of exotic thoughts.
“There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all” (Proverbs 31:30 NLT).
Critical readers notice what others miss. Then how much more so when the Spirit of God dwells in said person. My dad had such an intimate relationship with the Lord that he spoke alone out loud, to my understanding it was a soliloquy. Later, as I grew up, I understood that my dad felt the presence of the Lord so real with him and it was normal to respond to God and start a conversation. Those were the home morning events of my childhood.
My parents never gave me a formal spiritual education of words and rules. They instilled in me a deep love for God and His Word. Their passion for Jesus captured my heart at a very tender age. Listening to them and seeing their dedication to the Lord, was the lasting education I received from them. I constantly heard my dad blessing us every morning with this:
“Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth.” (John 17:17 MEV).
And I had this thought that was a balm to my soul.
I pray that it may bless you.
Everything that goes to heaven stays there forever. I believe that prayers are like a diamond, each request is a cut of the diamond that is the factor that fuels its brilliance. The time we stand there in agony sometimes, other times struggling not to doubt, but to believe. That time is the fire cutting the diamond.
And our tears are the words, meditation and fellowship. I see them as reflective prisms that reflect light to our spirit. And together with the incense of our fellowship, the entire prism of the diamond manifests itself in multiple flashes of dazzling colors. The spark sometimes manifests in peace of mind, healing, tranquility, well-being, etc.
Often we enter in the garden of prayers not to gaze the beauty of our Bridegroom, but we throw ourselves to the Rock of our salvation. Sometimes we search for a photo in our cell phone to show it to a friend, we are so anxious to find it that we pass by and miss it. When we come anxiously to His throne, He has His arms outstretched toward us, but anxiety causes us to lose sight of Him.
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done.” (Philippians 4:6)
If we quiet our inner man, we’ll be able to see Him clear. This is what I call a cutoff moment. All cuts hurt, but it is necessary. It’s an emotional discipline that when learned is very much useful for our prayer time. I’m not quite there yet, but I’m on my way to learning it.
Israel were struggling with snake and they anxiously prayed for the snake to be removed. They were not removed, Numbers 21:9 was the answer.
“So, Moses made a snake out of bronze and attached it to a pole. Then anyone who was bitten by a snake could look at the bronze snake and be healed!”
Just one look at the snake on the pole was all they needed. However, not everybody looked at. They were desperate to get rid of the snakes and if they didn’t use the life resource, they would die.
What are you struggling with today? Just call upon the name of Jesus, He is so willing to help you.
When we come to pray the cross is the pole to focus on, seeing Jesus Who is God’s wealth to supply all we need. The cross is not a tree, it is the sacrifice, His death on the cross to save us and provide all our needs. It is the glimpse of His suffering that empowers us to receive His name where we can ask for anything and we receive it.
Let us lighten our load of worries and rest in His faithfulness. He will never let us down. I testify that this is true because I have lived it all my life. Your prayers are in the throne of God forever!
When you pray, you can have certainty … come boldly to the throne of God.
“So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.” (Hebrews 4:16 NLT).
